the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize