Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
