Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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