I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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