Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
