Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
