On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
