I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
