Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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