...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
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the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
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I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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