I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
