i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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