I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
