I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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