dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
