He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
