dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
