I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
