A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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