please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
fuck your aforementioned shoe
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
