dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
