Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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