I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
