I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
