My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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