so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
