i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I am available for nakedness
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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