Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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