He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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