she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
