Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
