Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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