i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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