Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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