The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
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She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
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you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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