I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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