i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
