I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
