so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
