you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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