Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
