did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
