girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
