Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
