I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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