areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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