can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
