i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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