I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
