ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
