her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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