awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
