Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
