I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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