I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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