ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
