hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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