Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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