She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
