Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The Olympian is in my bed
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
