How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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