So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I have tasted many bathrooms
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
